girl talk

Shopping for Time Questions

We finished writing our most recent book, Shopping for Time, about a week before Tori was born last year. Ironically, we ran out of time to include questions for group discussion and personal application in the printed addition.

But thanks to the married life team at Covenant Life Church, headed by our esteemed brother-in-law, Brian Chesemore (affectionately known as “Pastor B” to the fam), we can now make questions available to you.

These questions were written to assist women who lead a small group discussion with the book; however, they could be useful for two women reading the book together, or even someone studying on her own. We hope they will help you consider how to make the best use of your time.

Shopping for Time Questions Chapter One

Shopping for Time Questions Chapter Two

Shopping for Time Questions Chapter Three

Shopping for Time Questions Chapter Four

Shopping for Time Questions Chapter Five

Shopping for Time Questions Chapter Six

Shopping for Time Questions Conclusion  
 

The Secret of Accomplishment

So we recognize that it is pride to shrink from service simply because we aren’t “the best.” But even if we humbly step up to the plate and take a swing at it, there’s still the reality of our own inadequacy. We still lack what it takes to get the job done! What are we to do?

Jerry Bridges (not a descendant of Charles as far as we know), in his book Transforming Grace quotes John Owen in answer to this question:

“Yet the duties God requires of us are not in proportion to the strength we possess in ourselves. Rather, they are proportional to the resources available to us in Christ. We do not have the ability in ourselves to accomplish the least of God’s tasks. This is a law of grace. When we recognize it is impossible for us to perform a duty in our own strength, we will discover the secret of its accomplishment. But alas, this is a secret we often fail to discover.”

Instead of measuring a task against our own feeble abilities, or comparing our gifts to others (for, as Jerry Bridges points out, that’s what they are, after all: gifts of grace), let’s draw upon the limitless resources of Christ. Let’s not fail to discover this great secret of accomplishment.

Pride Under Cover

When I’m tempted to avoid work I don’t feel gifted to do, this quote by Charles Bridges pushes me out of my comfort zone. I shared it with my young friend and I thought it would encourage you as well:

“Of some departments of our work, however, we are apt to say—‘I have no gift, no talent for it.’ But surely dependence upon the promise of heavenly wisdom would obtain a competent measure to meet the demand. Or should it even be withheld, how profitable would be that humbling exercise of faith—‘most gladly to glory in our infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon us!’ But nothing is more paralyzing to faith—nothing more clogs the wheels of exertion, than repining indolence [fretful laziness] indulged under the cover of humility.”

Do Your Best

“Sometimes I don’t want to serve when it is something I don’t think I’m very good at” the young woman humbly confessed to me. The ugly truth behind her reluctance? Pride. This woman realized that she wants to be “the best” at whatever she puts her hand to, and if she can’t be the best, well, then she’d rather not even try.

Oh, how I can relate! I wrestle with the same temptation. But I’m grateful for my husband who has modeled humility in service for me. Whatever endeavor he undertakes, he acknowledges (to himself and others): “I know there are many people who can do this better than me.” Then he seeks to faithfully serve in whatever ways God has called him to, regardless of how gifted he feels to do it. His goal is to obey God and bless others.

Using our gifts requires humility. For as I’ve often reminded my girls (and myself!): “There’s always going to be someone better than you at what you do.” There’s always going to be the smarter kid in the class, the more outgoing friend, the more talented co-worker, the more organized homemaker, the more capable homeschool teacher, the more energetic servant, the more gifted than you at whatever you do. And you know what? These people have been strategically placed in our lives to expose our pride and help us serve with humility.

How much easier it would be to stick to arenas where we think we shine. But we should do our best even when we may not be the best. We should be willing to risk making mistakes, to allow others to see where we lack gifting and need help.

And when we humbly serve--even when we’re not the best--we’ll be pleasantly surprised at how God can use our meager gifts to encourage others and bring glory to Him!

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3

Just Work?

Today I was just going about my work: buying Gatorade (the red kind) and mixing jello (the green kind) for my sick husband; trying to get Tori to eat her peas and carrots (and then cleaning up the peas and carrots she threw on the floor); training Jack to obey “right away, all the way, and with a happy heart” (and “quietly” when we’re in the library, please!) and write this post.

Then Mom sent me this quote by Charles Bridges:

"It is most important habitually to contemplate our work in its proper character as a “work of faith.” As such, it can only be sustained by the active and persevering exercise of this principle. This is what makes it a means of grace to our own souls, as well as a grand medium of exalting our Divine Master.

It is faith that enlivens our work with perpetual cheerfulness. It commits every part of it to God, in the hope, that even mistakes shall be overruled for his glory; and thus relieves us from an oppressive anxiety, often attendant upon a deep sense of our responsibility. The shortest way to peace will be found in casting ourselves upon God for daily pardon of deficiencies and supplies of grace, without looking too eagerly for present fruit."

Faith transforms my work. I can find forgiveness for my impatience with the kids, I can have hope that my training efforts will not be in vain, I can wait patiently for the evidence that what I am doing for my family is doing some good after all, and I can be “enlivened with perpetual cheerfulness.”

Most of all, faith makes the laundry, the dishes, the editing, the diaper changing, the praying, and the care-giving a means of grace to my soul and a means of exalting my Savior.

It isn’t just work anymore. It’s a “work of faith.”

From Our Readers

Our friend Diane wrote regarding “Robin the Waitress” just to make sure: “I hope she got her tip before she left!”

Thanks for looking out for that kind lady who served us, Diane. And yes, I’m happy to report that Mom did tip Robin—not once, but twice—for breakfast and for lunch (plus a little extra for putting up with us all day!)

After Janelle’s post, “Help Keeping Resolutions,” our friend Valori sent us some excellent quotes she’d compiled on the topic of dependence on God. Here are two of our favorites. We’d all do well to keep these thoughts beside us as we plan our year—or do anything at all. Thanks Valori!

"What men do by themselves they do for themselves.  They eat their own fruit, devouring the praise of what they do.  Only the Christian who does everything by Christ does it all for Him. He takes his nourishment from Him into whom he has been grafted; and this is what makes him fruitful." –William Gurnall  (The Christian in Complete Armour, Volume 2, p. 49)

"If he can do any duty, he acknowledges it is Christ's strength more than his own. As the ship gets to the haven more by the benefit of the wind than the sail, so when a Christian makes swift progress, it is more by wind of God's Spirit than the sail of his own endeavour." –Thomas Watson

A Planning Day

Today being the first Monday of the New Year, the four of us girls had a planning session. We spent several hours talking about how to grow in our relationship with the Lord, and how to be better wives, mothers and homemakers. We stayed at the diner so long that our friendly waitress Robin served us breakfast and lunch, and finished her shift before we packed it up!

Here’s a snippet from chapter four of our book, Shopping for Time that we used today (and that we use on our own) as a guide for our planning:

“Begin by listing your priorities. Here’s Mom’s list:

•    Grow in godliness.
•    Love my family.
•    Serve in the church.
•    Fellowship with Christians.
•    Evangelize non-Christians.
•    Attend to my work.
•    Care for my physical health.

Although your list may look slightly different, it’s important that your priorities come from God’s Word and not culture or personal preferences. We should all have similar priorities stemming from our identity as Christian women, even though we may use other words or categories to describe them.

Once you’ve listed your priorities…evaluate yourself, prayerfully going through the priorities one at a time. Under each category, assess how you are doing—what is going well and what needs to change. Then consider how you can grow in that key area in your life.”

Thanks to Mom, each of us girls came away with a few key ways we can grow in biblical womanhood over the next year. We’d encourage you—on your own, or together with your husband or a godly woman to have your own planning time.

More thoughts for the New Year tomorrow….

Help Keeping Resolutions

"Is it possible to make a resolution this year and truly keep it?

Yep, it sure is. As Nicole and Mom reminded us, we start by "righting wrong resolutions" and "picking one resolution."  But we still need help to keep our resolutions.

I remember a field trip that I took to the Baltimore Science Museum when I was in junior high. There were a variety of experiments that you could watch and participate in—some, like the electrical experiments, were more hazardous than others. An oft-repeated phrase to the children watching was: “kids don’t try this at home.” Why? Because kids can’t safely perform complex science experiments on their own. They need help.

A similar warning should be issued to all of us when it comes to keeping our resolutions: “Don’t try this on your own!” Any resolution, big or small, is impossible to keep without the help of the Lord. If we try, it will simply blow up in our faces—like a science experiment gone awry. We are dependent creatures. We cannot take our next breath without the Lord granting it. What makes us think we can keep resolutions on our own?

But the Lord is gracious and eager to help us. I love the words of Charles Bridges on this subject, “Take one step at a time, every step under Divine warrant and direction. Ever plan for yourself in simple dependence on God. It is nothing less than self-idolatry to conceive that we can carry on even the ordinary matters of the day without his counsel. He loves to be consulted.”

Did you hear that? “He loves to be consulted.” Start right now. Take that one, God-glorifying resolution and consult your gracious Father. Ask Him to help you carry out this task. Ask Him for the strength to be diligent and faithful. Depend upon him for the grace to accomplish all that He has set before you. And watch Him work!

Keeping One Resolution

Is it possible to make a resolution this year and truly keep it?

Absolutely! And now that we have righted our wrong resolutions, we should eliminate most of them. That’s right. Let’s reduce our resolution list down to one. Let’s choose that single area where we most desire to grow in godliness.

But there are twenty ways I should be growing right now, you might protest.

That’s true for all of us. But what’s also true is that we can’t change in every area all at once.

Author and speaker David Powlison makes this insightful observation:

“We are simple people. You can’t remember ten things at once. Invariably, if you could remember just ONE true thing…you’d be different. Connect one bit of Scripture to one bit of life…. Apply one relevant thing from our Redeemer to one significant scene in your story. Bring one bit of the Bible to one bit of your life….You can’t deal with it all at once. Scripture never does…. Life goes one step at a time.”

So we see that the mark of true spirituality doesn’t require ten giant steps forward. One step at a time is sufficient. In fact, you could argue that choosing one area for growth in godliness is an expression of humility. It’s a humble acknowledgement of our serious limitations as “simple people”.

And what’s more, growth in one area almost always affects every other area of our lives. So rather than lament about the twenty ways we need to grow in godliness, let’s be encouraged that as we isolate just one and devote ourselves to change in that area, by the grace of God it will affect the other nineteen.

Oh, and one more thing. We need to make sure our resolution is specific. “Overcome anger” is too vague. However, if we choose to take the next 30 days to memorize and meditate on Eph. 4:29 – 5:2, list the circumstances that tempt us to anger and pray about and plan how to respond humbly at those times – now that would be a detailed resolution!

Is it possible to make a resolution this year and truly keep it?

Absolutely! And now that we have righted our wrong resolutions, we should eliminate most of them. That’s right. Let’s reduce our resolution list down to one. Let’s choose that single area where we most desire to grow in godliness.

But there are twenty ways I should be growing right now, you might protest.

That’s true for all of us. But what’s also true is that we can’t change in every area all at once.

Author and speaker David Powlison makes this insightful observation:

“We are simple people. You can’t remember ten things at once. Invariably, if you could remember just ONE true thing…you’d be different. Connect one bit of Scripture to one bit of life…. Apply one relevant thing from our Redeemer to one significant scene in your story. Bring one bit of the Bible to one bit of your life….You can’t deal with it all at once. Scripture never does…. Life goes one step at a time.”

So we see that the mark of true spirituality doesn’t require ten giant steps forward. One step at a time is sufficient. In fact, you could argue that choosing one area for growth in godliness is an expression of humility. It’s a humble acknowledgement of our serious limitations as “simple people”.

And what’s more, growth in one area almost always affects every other area of our lives. So rather than lament about the twenty ways we need to grow in godliness, let’s be encouraged that as we isolate just one and devote ourselves to change in that area, by the grace of God it will affect the other nineteen.

Oh, and one more thing. We need to make sure our resolution is specific. “Overcome anger” is too vague. However, if we choose to take the next 30 days to memorize and meditate on Eph. 4:29 – 5:2, list the circumstances that tempt us to anger and pray about and plan how to respond humbly at those times – now that would be a detailed resolution!

Keeping Right Resolutions

Is it possible to make a resolution this year and truly keep it?

The answer to this question is "YES"! That's a bold assertion, I know. But there are some simple and specific ways to make a resolution that we can actually stick to. And we will take the next three days here at girltalk to talk about them.

First, we must consider why, so often, our resolutions don’t have the shelf life of a gallon of milk. Maybe, it is because they are the wrong resolutions—by that I mean self-exalting instead of God-glorifying.

In his book, A Godward Life, Part 2 (p. 62), John Piper cites a newspaper article based on a book entitled The Body Project. The author examined young girls’ diaries from the 1800’s to the 1900’s and found that “In the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, girls’ diaries focused on ‘good works’ and perfecting the character. In the 1900’s, the diaries are fixated on ‘good looks,’ on perfecting the body.”

Now of course, it’s not wrong to resolve to lose a few pounds or to take better care of our bodies, which are, indeed, temples of the Holy Spirit. But if “good looks” or any other goal is driven by selfishness, or a desperate grasp for glory and attention, we are merely resolving to sin against God.

If James 4:6, “God opposes the proud” means what it says (and Scripture always does), than God is actually opposing our efforts instead of blessing them. No wonder we fall flat on our vain little faces!

“But…” as James 4:6 goes on to say, “[He] gives grace to the humble.” If we depend upon God to do good works and perfect our character in order to reflect His glory, we can anticipate His grace to blow life into our feeble efforts. By His power, we can sustain our resolutions beyond the “best if used by” date.

Is it possible to make a resolution this year and truly keep it?

The answer to this question is "YES"! That's a bold assertion, I know. But there are some simple and specific ways to make a resolution that we can actually stick to. And we will take the next three days here at girltalk to talk about them.

First, we must consider why, so often, our resolutions don’t have the shelf life of a gallon of milk. Maybe, it is because they are the wrong resolutions—by that I mean self-exalting instead of God-glorifying.

In his book, A Godward Life, Part 2 (p. 62), John Piper cites a newspaper article based on a book entitled The Body Project. The author examined young girls’ diaries from the 1800’s to the 1900’s and found that “In the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, girls’ diaries focused on ‘good works’ and perfecting the character. In the 1900’s, the diaries are fixated on ‘good looks,’ on perfecting the body.”

Now of course, it’s not wrong to resolve to lose a few pounds or to take better care of our bodies, which are, indeed, temples of the Holy Spirit. But if “good looks” or any other goal is driven by selfishness, or a desperate grasp for glory and attention, we are merely resolving to sin against God.

If James 4:6, “God opposes the proud” means what it says (and Scripture always does), than God is actually opposing our efforts instead of blessing them. No wonder we fall flat on our vain little faces!

“But…” as James 4:6 goes on to say, “[He] gives grace to the humble.” If we depend upon God to do good works and perfect our character in order to reflect His glory, we can anticipate His grace to blow life into our feeble efforts. By His power, we can sustain our resolutions beyond the “best if used by” date.