girl talk

Our Mothering Forecast

What’s the future for your kids look like today?

Perhaps your home is a place of peace and tranquility, your fears as insignificant as gnats to swat away.

Or maybe trials are washing over you like relentless waves. Your anxieties are consuming and overwhelming. They rob you of sleep and plague your waking hours. But no matter the size or shape of your fears, may I encourage you to take them to the foot of the cross?

The gospel isn’t an out-of-date message; it is the good news of a saving God who is “a very present help in trouble” (Ps. 46:1). So repent from worry and put your trust in the glorious gospel.

My husband has a Charles Spurgeon quotation as his screensaver, which we would do well to have running across the screen of our minds: “As for His failing you, never dream of it—hate the thought. The God who has been sufficient until now, should be trusted to the end.”

So let our mothering forecast be one of victory and not of defeat. We have the hope of the gospel in our souls.

The Successful Mother

Faith toward God is the foundation of effective mothering. Success as a mother doesn’t begin with hard work or sound principles or consistent discipline (as necessary as these are). It begins with God: His character, His faithfulness, His promises, His sovereignty. And as our understanding of these truths increases, so will our faith for mothering.

You see, it is relatively easy to implement new practices in parenting. But if our practices (no matter how useful) aren’t motivated by faith, they will be fruitless.

The Bible says that without faith it is impossible to please God (Heb 11:6). Fear is sin. And as my husband has often graciously reminded me—God is not sympathetic with my unbelief.

Why? Because fear, worry, and unbelief say to God that we don’t really believe He is “merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” (Ps. 86:15). We are calling God a liar.

Even in the most trying situations with our children, we have much more incentive to trust than to fear, much more cause for peace and joy than despair. That’s because, as Christians, we have the hope of the gospel.

A Mother's Faith

Many years ago, CJ and I had breakfast with a prominent Christian leader. At one point the man turned his attention to me and said, "So tell me about your daughters...how old are they, did you say?"

"Six, ten, and eleven," I replied.

"Ah," he said, leaning back in his chair with a smile. "Those are delightful ages. They still think Mommy and Daddy are the most wonderful people in the world. But all that changes when the teenage years come."

My breakfast--not to mention my day--was spoiled. That sense of dread at the approach of my daughters' teenage years, always nipping at the edges of my imagination, played out once again in panoramic view: the little hints of trouble, the minor instances of disobedience--where would it all lead?

Nicole has been disrespectful lately. Is this the first sign of full-fledged rebellion? Sometimes Kristin is so quiet. Will she become more withdrawn. Janelle's mischievous streak could mean real trouble in a few years. Things will probably get worse and worse, and soon my daughters won't even like me anymore. What can I do to stop this from happening?

"What are your daughters' names?" The benign question jolted me back to reality. I managed to stammer a response, and the conversation moved on. But the gnawing feeling in my stomach remained.

Whether your child is six or sixteen, the temptation to fear for their future is great. That's why we're going to talk about A Mother's Faith here on girltalk this week. So, have a seat at our kitchen table and let's chat.

Time to Come

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” Deuteronomy 6:4-7

These verses describe the stuff of sowing. We must talk to our children every day, instruct them throughout the day, teach them in every circumstance, train them on every occasion, tell them God’s words over and over again. 

Sowing can be hard work. Sometimes exhausting work. We moms can wonder: Is anything getting through? Will this child ever get it? We may feel our words are falling on deaf ears; that our efforts are in vain.

Oh, but let’s keep reading in Deuteronomy chapter six. Look at the hope and encouragement we find in verse 20:
“When your son asks you in time to come, ‘What is the meaning of the testimonies and the statutes and the rules that the Lord our God has commanded you?’

Though it is not a promise, there is much encouragement we can draw from this verse; because there is a time coming when it won’t simply be us doing all the talking, teaching, and instructing. One day our children will act in response to our instruction. They will come with questions of their own. They will inquire about the meaning of God’s words. They will desire to understand God’s ways for themselves.

Now that “time to come” is different for every child. It’s sooner for some, later for others. Scripture does not give us an exact timetable for the duration of sowing. But Scripture does tell us: "In due season we will reap, if we do not give up" (Galatians 6:9).

My Parents on Parenting

Several days ago, over at CJ Mahaney's View from the Cheap Seats, Tony Reinke posted a clip from a Q&A on parenting by Dad and Mom. It was an answer to the question: "How do parents engage in gospel-centered parenting with children who are too young to comprehend the message of the gospel?" If you haven't already, I'd encourage you to listen here.

This clip also reminded me of one of my favorite articles by Mom, written several years ago (before Caly was born!). Mom's advice has proved so helpful to Steve and me as we try to parent our two little ones. I hope it serves you too.

Gateway for Knowledge

Last Thursday night occasioned another one of my husband’s surprises. He’s provided a gazillion of them for me through the years. He simply told me what time to be ready and how to dress. This time my surprise was dinner at a homey, rustic restaurant followed by the play “The Miracle Worker” at a nearby theater. It was a wonderful evening.

And if you will indulge me I’d like to say a word to my husband. (He is in Sun Valley, California at present, due to being the guest speaker at Grace Community Church this past weekend.). CJ, I hope you read this today because I simply want to tell you again how grateful I am to be your wife. Thank you for thirty years of devoted, passionate, exhilarating love. I don’t deserve you!

So back to what I was saying. We went to see “The Miracle Worker.” Most likely, you are familiar with the plot. It’s the story of Annie Sullivan’s struggle to teach the blind and deaf Helen Keller how to communicate. Initially Annie found it extremely difficult to teach Helen due to her wild and violent behavior. But then Annie had a revelatory moment. All of a sudden she realized: "Obedience is the gateway for knowledge to enter the mind." She understood that she needed to first teach Helen to obey before she could teach her knowledge.

At this point in the play I couldn’t help but think of my daughters, Nicole and Kristin. That’s what they are doing. They are attempting to train and discipline four little boys to obey so they can impart knowledge. And not just any knowledge, but the most important knowledge of all—the message of the gospel. 

So to all moms with little children I desire to encourage you today. I want to cheer you on in your efforts to discipline and train your children to obey. It’s hard, exhausting work, I know. Just watching my daughters makes me tired. But it’s worth it. Because an obedient child is a receptive child. And with a receptive child you can teach them the good news, the glorious gospel of Jesus Christ. Now that’s a goal worth striving for, don’t you agree?

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Prov. 22.6

Last Thursday night occasioned another one of my husband’s surprises. He’s provided a gazillion of them for me through the years. He simply told me what time to be ready and how to dress. This time my surprise was dinner at a homey, rustic restaurant followed by the play “The Miracle Worker” at a nearby theater. It was a wonderful evening.

And if you will indulge me I’d like to say a word to my husband. (He is in Sun Valley, California at present, due to being the guest speaker at Grace Community Church this past weekend.). CJ, I hope you read this today because I simply want to tell you again how grateful I am to be your wife. Thank you for thirty years of devoted, passionate, exhilarating love. I don’t deserve you!

So back to what I was saying. We went to see “The Miracle Worker.” Most likely, you are familiar with the plot. It’s the story of Annie Sullivan’s struggle to teach the blind and deaf Helen Keller how to communicate. Initially Annie found it extremely difficult to teach Helen due to her wild and violent behavior. But then Annie had a revelatory moment. All of a sudden she realized: "Obedience is the gateway for knowledge to enter the mind." She understood that she needed to first teach Helen to obey before she could teach her knowledge.

At this point in the play I couldn’t help but think of my daughters, Nicole and Kristin. That’s what they are doing. They are attempting to train and discipline four little boys to obey so they can impart knowledge. And not just any knowledge, but the most important knowledge of all—the message of the gospel. 

So to all moms with little children I desire to encourage you today. I want to cheer you on in your efforts to discipline and train your children to obey. It’s hard, exhausting work, I know. Just watching my daughters makes me tired. But it’s worth it. Because an obedient child is a receptive child. And with a receptive child you can teach them the good news, the glorious gospel of Jesus Christ. Now that’s a goal worth striving for, don’t you agree?

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Prov. 22.6

Every Day Providence

Recently, my sweet 2-year-old misplaced her desire to sleep through the night. Mommy has been hard at work helping her to find that desire again. But it’s meant little sleep for Mommy at night and long days of wanting to crawl into the nearest bed. Mix in a rather nasty cold for the two-year-old and some pregnancy hormones for Mommy and I will leave the rest to your imagination.

But you know what? This tiny trial has forced me to draw near to God. And just as it tells me in His Word, He has been faithful to draw near to me (James 4:8). He has been reminding me of His sovereignty and love. This situation didn’t catch Him by surprise and it is the BEST for my girl and me. Sweet comfort!

So no matter where you find yourself today—in a trial big or tiny. Remember, the Lord isn’t surprised and He has PROMISED to work for your good in all things (Rom. 8:28).

These words from J. C. Ryle have brought me much encouragement:

“Reader, if God has given you His only begotten Son, beware of doubting His kindness and love, in any painful providence of your daily life! Never allow yourself to think hard thoughts of God. Never suppose that He can give you anything which is not really for your good. Remember the words of Paul: ‘He who spared not His own Son—but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things’ (Romans 8:32).

See in every sorrow and trouble of your earthly pilgrimage the hand of Him who gave Christ to die for your sins! That hand can never smite you except in love! He who gave His only begotten Son for you, will never withhold anything from you which is really for your good. Lean back on this thought and be content. Say to yourself in the darkest hour of trial, ‘This also is ordered by Him who gave Christ to die for my sins. It cannot be wrong. It is done in love. It must be well.’"

Happy Mother's Day (to Grandmas)

After learning that my second little one is a girl, I have been thinking lots about my grandma. As I wrote two weeks ago, my baby girl will be her great-grandma’s name sake and I can’t wait to tell her how privileged she will be to carry that name.

That brings me to our latest idea here at girltalk, which I’m very excited about. With Mother’s Day just around the corner (for all of our closet guy readers, it’s never too early to start shopping for your mom or wife) we thought it would be fun to borrow a bit from the past. Two years ago we asked you to submit tributes to your mom from which we chose several to post the week of Mother’s Day. This year we want to honor grandmothers. We know many of you have a grandmother who has had a profound influence on your family, and we would love to hear about her life and legacy. Now this could be your grandma, your husband's grandma or even someone in your life that has been like a grandma to you. Or maybe you want to honor your children’s grandma (your mom or mother-in-law). Write up a tribute and send it in! We will choose some of our favorites to post the week leading up to Mother’s Day. Oh, and please include a picture if at all possible.

Our deadline to receive tributes is Friday, May 2nd. Just click the “Email me” link on the left-hand sidebar and send away. 

Back to School

The day after Labor Day I’ll send my oldest, Andrew, off to second grade at our church’s school. I’ll also be homeschooling Liam (who is four) this year, and trying to keep Owen (who is three) out of mischief. The past few weeks I’ve been busy purchasing school supplies, visiting the doctor, and planning Liam’s schedule. As I anticipate the school year, I’m grateful for the advice and tips that many of you sent us last year. So whether you’re about to send a kid off to school or preparing to teach them at home, here are some posts from the archives you may want to check out:

Wake-Up Ideas

A Peaceful Morning Routine

An Extra-Special First Day of School

No More Boring Lunches

A Joyful Mom

To paraphrase the first magnificent answer of the Shorter Catechism, let’s not forget that: Mommy’s chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever. 

And isn't it interesting to note, as J. I. Packer points out in his new book, Praying the Lord's Prayer, that this doctrinal statement uses the word "'end,' not 'ends,' for the two activities [glorifying and enjoying God] are one." Dr. Packer continues:

God's chief end, purposed in all that he does, is his glory, and he has so made us that we find our own deepest fulfillment and highest joy in hallowing his name by praise, submission, and service.

Christians get so hung up with the pagan idea (very dishonoring to God,incidentally) that God¹s will is always unpleasant, so that one is rather a martyr to be doing it, that they hardly at first notice how their experience verifies the truth that in Christian living duty and delight go together. But they do! And this will be even clearer in the life to come. To give oneself to hallowing God's name as one's life-task means that living, though never a joyride, will become increasingly a joy road.

In other words, as we continue "lub-dubbing" along (I love that expression!) and learning contentment as mothers for the glory of God, caring for our children will increasingly become a joyful experience. That doesn't mean it will be easy or a "joyride" as Dr. Packer says. But if our highest fulfillment is found in worshipping and obeying God, then motherhood will undoubtedly be a "joy road." And if this is what God has called us to, then there is no other road we would rather be on.

A Content Mom

The other day I was walking through a furniture store with my three boys (not something I do very often, but I was inspired on this particular day – call me crazy!) when an older man passed by me. He smiled, looked at my three boys and said, “That is a full time job.”  I looked at him, smiled back, then replied “Yes, but I love it.”   

I do love it. There is no other job in the world that I would trade for being the mother of my three little guys. But if I were to be completely honest, there have been many days in my short career as a mother when those “I love it” thoughts were replaced with “If only…” thoughts or “I’ll be happy when…” thoughts.

It’s on those particularly tough days—when the boys arguing seems constant, when juice spills all over my freshly mopped floors and laundry is piled high—that I find myself fighting for a biblical perspective, fighting to love the season the Lord has me in, fighting to be content in every situation (Philippians 4:11).

Recently I read the article "Learning Contentment in All Your Circumstances" by Robert D. Jones in the Journal of Biblical Counseling, which I highly recommend. In this article, he describes the attitude of contentment that I should have every day:

“What is contentment? It is having a satisfied mind in any situation.  It is finding inner satisfaction in God alone and in His provision for you. It is experiencing His peace and confidence in difficult times. It is consciously enjoying the fact that God is good, even when your circumstances are not.”

So what do I do when my circumstances in mothering seem “not good”? I know I am supposed to be content, but how do I get there? The answer, says Mr. Jones, is in the verses that come before Philippians 4:11 which he’s arranged into a helpful acronym, “PTO”:

    -Pray (vv. 6-7)
    -Think godly thoughts (v. 8)
    -Obey God’s truth (v. 90)

These three simple steps offer a clear path out of discontent, regardless of whether my circumstances change or not. As Mr. Jones points out, “If you seek God’s face, renewing your mind with His truth and walking in His ways will produce inner peace amid circumstantial problems.”