girl talk

Because the Days are Evil

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16)

I went to one of my favorite places for lunch today: the Lancaster County Dutch Market. Every Thursday through Saturday a group of Amish from Lancaster, Pennsylvania make the trek to Germantown, Maryland where they make and sell the most delicious food. My customary hang out spot is the soft-pretzel stand where you can watch the Amish girls twist the dough for my favorite cinnamon-sugar pretzels.

This afternoon, as I was placing my usual order, the man who owns the stand engaged me in conversation (yes, he knows me). He informed me that the sister of one of the young women who works for him was one of the little girls shot in the tragic Amish school shooting two weeks ago.

“Did she survive?” I asked him. He told me her life was mercifully spared. She is hopefully leaving the hospital today! I told him we were praying, before he moved to help the next customer in line.

My heart broke for this little girl and the horror of her experience, and all those affected by this tragedy. Initially, I felt helpless, wishing there was something I could do to comfort them and ease their pain.

However, it was a fresh reminder to me of the truth of Ephesians 5:15-16. The days are indeed evil. Therefore, I am to strive to live every day with wisdom, “making the best use of my time.” And my heart can rest in the certainty of God’s sovereignty over the evil found in this world and the hope of the gospel for all mankind.

Where Were You?

Where were you on the morning of September 11, 2001?

No doubt each of us remembers with perfect clarity. CJ and I were eating breakfast at a restaurant in Chatham, Massachusetts, when we noticed that people were gathering round the television in the lobby area. My husband went to check out what was capturing everyone’s interest. His face was grim when he came back to our table. “You’re not going to believe what has just happened,” he told me. “A plane has crashed into one of the buildings of the World Trade Center.” Of course we now know that was only the beginning of the horrific events that unfolded that day—a day that has forever changed our country.

Evil and suffering of this magnitude raises another, far more weighty question:

Where was God on the morning of September 11, 2001?

How do we understand 9/11, or any tragedy for that matter, in light of the sovereignty and goodness of God?

Pastor John Piper offers the biblical answer in three recent radio broadcasts. These programs entitled: "In a Terrorized and Troubled World, Where is God? Part 1", "Part 2" and "9-11 Q & A" help us to “reconcile the existence of God with the existence of suffering and evil.”

May the truth of God's Word bring clarity and comfort to your heart this remembrance day.

"All Things For Good"

Today we want you to hear--and learn--from Debbie Demi, a member of our sister church, Covenant Fellowship in Philadelphia. "Afer regeneration, one of the greatest miracles of grace, is the Christian who rejoices in the midst of suffering" my dad has said. This family is truly a miracle of grace. Here is Debbie's answer to our question, "tell us about a circumstance in your life where you now see God was working 'behind the scenes' for your good?"

Recently my family has been going through the toughest trial of our lives.   Twenty-two weeks into my pregnancy with our eighth child, an ultrasound revealed that our unborn baby girl had a condition called holoprosencephly.   At 6–7 weeks, her brain did not divide and therefore, it was determined that she was missing the front part of her brain.  The doctor gave us the grave news that her condition was fatal (lethal as she called it).  She expressed her condolences and said that they would not stop labor if it began early and that they would not do a c-section to save her life.

To most onlookers, it appeared that there could not possibly be any good to come from such a diagnosis.  In a doctor’s report, he called it “an unfortunate pregnancy.”  However, with eyes of faith and an eternal perspective, God by His grace has allowed us to see that, “He works all things together for our good.”

Three weeks ago, Destiny was born alive.  The joy we experienced at her birth was unlike any other.   Death was looming in our minds and every indicator prior to birth seemed to confirm that Destiny would not survive the birth.  Therefore, to us, her birth was miraculous.  She was born with the condition that she was diagnosed with.  She has a cleft lip, a cleft palate, suffers from seizures and multiple other conditions that we have yet to experience.  However, we are so grateful for the opportunity to have Destiny in our family and to care for her – even if her time on earth is short.

Even though the trial is not over, we can by faith believe that God is working for our good and look for ways God is working even in the midst of the most trying times knowing that nothing happens by chance.  We don’t know the extent of how God is going to use Destiny for our good and His glory, but here are just a couple ways that we’ve seen him work so far.

1) We believe that He’s teaching our children compassion as they care for a handicapped child; growing their faith by allowing them to see us glorifying God in a trial and seeing God answer our prayers; teaching them to care for others as they see the body of Christ caring for us.  By faith, knowing the character of God, we know that He is doing an eternal work in their hearts through this trial.

2) As my husband and I have walked through this together, I’ve grown in love and admiration for my him.  I’ve seen strengths in him that I would never have seen otherwise as I’ve experienced his care and marveled at the way he has shepherded our family.

3) We’ve experienced the care from the body of Christ in a way that we never imagined, teaching us how to serve others and bearing testimony of the Gospel to our unsaved family members and neighbors.  They will know we are Christians by our love.

4) It’s been an opportunity for us not to waste our suffering, but to use every opportunity to glorify God in what He, by His loving hand, has allowed into our lives.  God has allowed us to experience Him in a deeper way, to experience His faithfulness in a difficult situation, to ponder what He has done for us on the cross, to draw closer to Him.  How much greater good could we receive than to know Christ our Savior more?

“Let this text produce patience, ‘All things work together for good to them that love God’ (Rom. 8:28).  Shall we be discontented at that which works for our good?  If one friend should throw a bag of money at another, and in throwing it, should graze his head, he would not be troubled much, seeing by this means he had got a bag of money.  So the Lord may bruise us by afflictions, but it is to enrich us.  These afflictions work for us a weight of glory, and shall we be discontented?”  All Things for Good  by Thomas Watson pp. 61 – 62

"Abundant Grace and Goodness"

Last week we received two powerful answers to our book club question on the life of Ruth. We saved these answers to share with you this week. These two women are both enduring unimaginably difficult circumstances. We hope their faith and hope in God will encourage you to see the goodness of God in whatever trial you might be facing.

First, we will hear from Kriscinda Davis, who, along with her husband Luke and their three children are much-loved members of Covenant Life Church. Brian and I have observed this couple prosper spiritually in the midst of the most significant of trials. They are actively trusting in God’s wisdom and goodness. May we all emulate Kriscinda’s example of faith in our Savior.

"Nothing happens by 'chance,' but God is always behind the scenes, working all things together for the good of His people (Rom. 8:28). There is no such thing as 'luck' or 'fate' for believers."

Given this truth, tell us about a circumstance in your life where you now see God was working "behind the scenes" for your good?

I read Ruth with much anticipation. I love the book of Ruth and couldn't wait for the question, as it would provoke my heart. Provoke it did. Our family is in the midst of a difficult situation. Heart ache and suffering have been present for the past 8 months as my youngest son, Micah was diagnosed with a very rare brain tumor, ATRT. Our little man has undergone 2 major brain surgeries, 6 rounds of high dose chemos and been in and out of the hospital at least a dozen times. So when I read Ruth and then the question that followed... tell us about a circumstance in your life where you now see God was working "behind the scenes" for your good? I was dumb founded. I couldn't think of how God was at work behind the scenes and this bothered me for I knew he was and is at work. I talked with my husband and some ladies in my care group and as we talked my eyes were opened. I had been so focused on the current trial that I had taken my eyes off the cross and forgotten all his goodness.  I was able to thank the Lord and by his grace remember and see glimpses of how he is at work for good in this present trial. Let me share them with you...

-He is at work in our hearts for good, teaching us to trust Him, showing us that grace and mercy are truly new each morning. He is molding and shaping us.

-He is showing us great love through himself and others -- giving strength that is not ours.

-He is at work in our kiddos for good. Micah is becoming a tender little man (I think because of all he has gone through). Braeton is learning to care for others in difficult times.

-By his grace the gospel is going forth and seeds are being planted.

In years to follow I am sure we will look back and see more of the Lord's goodness and sovereignty in this situation, but until--we will seek to remember and remind ourselves of all his wonderful benefits. He truly does work all things for good even when it is seems hidden from our eyes. And thanks be to God for the many faithful examples we have to look to... one of which is the wonderful example of the Bowers family. To God be the glory in each and every path for therein lies abundant grace and goodness.

Difficult Relationships

A dear friend of mine is walking through some relational challenges at present. With a longing to encourage, I emailed the following quote—a favorite of mine—to her today. I know for me, I am quick to sinfully judge or become bitter when I feel someone has sinned against me. Yet I need to be swift to see God’s hand behind any wrong—whether it is real or only imagined. (How many times have I made uncharitable judgments of others only to find out later that I was mistaken?!) 

These words of Jonathan Edwards have helped me to get my eyes off others (and myself!) and to look to God. If you are facing difficulties in a relationship—whether it is with a co-worker, a friend or even a family member—I pray this 18th century quote will provide you with a Godward perspective today:

Love to God disposes men to see his hand in everything; to own him as the governor of the world, and the director of providence; and to acknowledge his disposal in everything that takes place. And the fact, that the hand of God is a great deal more concerned in all that happens to us than the treatment of men is, should lead us, in a great measure, not to think of things as from men, but to have respect to them chiefly as from God—as ordered by his love and wisdom, even when their immediate source may be the malice or heedlessness of a fellow-man.  And if we indeed consider and feel that they are from the hand of God, then we shall be disposed meekly to receive and quietly to submit to them, and to own that the greatest injuries received from men are justly and even kindly ordered of God, and so be far from any ruffle or tumult of mind on account of them. (Jonathan Edwards, Charity and Its Fruits, pp. 79-80)

"Sickness is A Chance"

“I forgot how hard it is,” I told Mom the other day—referring to the nausea of course. My doctor predicted this. “The maternal desire in women is an amazing thing,” he said. “You all endure months of sickness, severe pain in childbirth, and even suffer serious complications. Then, you turn around and do it all over again!”

Go figure. We as women all suffer from the same unique variety of amnesia. Maybe they inject something in the hospital IV that erases the pain from our memory. Or maybe it’s just one look into our baby’s eyes. Powerful stuff.

I have so much to be grateful for. I know the nausea will only last through my first trimester. And I know that “morning” sickness is a good sign. And at the end of this yuckiness, Lord-willing, is a long-awaited blessing. I’m smiling.

But being sick is hard. There’s no denying that. And it turns my thoughts to people I know who really suffer…friends and family who live with chronic pain or illness. How do they do it? I wonder. How do they joyfully live with constant pain, never knowing when it will end? Of course I know it is only by God’s abundant grace. And feeling sick myself reminds me to pray for them.

One of my all-time favorite authors, David Powlison, has recently written a wonderful primer on praying for the sick. It’s addressed to pastors, but very instructive for us all. Here are a few lines to convince you to read more:

“Sickness, like any other weakness and trouble, should force us to stop, to face ourselves, and to look for the Lord. It’s a chance to find sins we have been too busy to notice and…a chance to find a quickened need for Jesus’ mercies and a deepened delight in God.”

I’m glad for this fleeting nausea, this reminder to stop and face myself and look for the Lord. I pray God will help all those who are suffering--really suffering--to do the same.

Looking Heavenward

A young mom in our church recently learned that her unborn baby has a serious neural tube defect known as Anencephaly. Barring a miracle, the baby has no chance of survival outside her womb.

The following are some recent ponderings she has graciously allowed us to post. Her extraordinary faith and eternal perspective will surely turn our eyes heavenward. Together with her, we long for the day when "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”  Revelation 21:4

We found out at our last doctor’s appointment that we are having a baby boy! No names as of yet, but we will keep you posted. C was very active in the womb, but nothing compared to this little fellow. As I lie awake at night from his fierce kicks, elbows and jabs, I imagine that he is going to be strong. I imagine that just like his big brother he is going to love to dance and run and kick the ball. I love to imagine him running, unlike C constrained by mama’s words of, ‘no street, son,’ or ‘hold mama’s hand,’ or the fence in our backyard, I picture him running in fields so vast and beautiful--beyond my imagination. Colors so vibrant and alive, too beautiful for my meager mind to comprehend. I picture him dancing to a melody never heard before by C or me. A melody so sweet, so fragrant, so amazing, breathing life into his soul. I imagine his smile (will he have a dimple like his brother?), will his eyes glisten, be blue?!? I imagine him worshiping and dancing from day one, something that has taken C a year to figure out…this little one will be doing from the very beginning. I imagine the day when I will be able to dance hand in hand with my son… not on his wedding day…but on a day more glorious and more special…the day when we will both be face to face with our Savior!

It breaks my heart to imagine how frail and weak my little boy is now within the womb. But when he kicks me with such strength, I am reminded how in only a few short months he will be made new…no deformities, no weakness!!! I imagine how the Lord is going to use my son’s strength for his glory and his purposes in Heaven. What even brings me more delight is to know that the strength of the Lord truly is going to be his delight each and every day. How precious these moments are for me as a mommy, to feel my son within me. My love for my new son grows stronger with each and every kick. I know that far too soon I will long for these days again (as hard as some of them have physically been). I am blessed with this time now that he is in my womb, for I know until ‘that day’ comes when I will see him again, this is my time with my precious little boy! Please pray that I cherish each and every one.   

How God Meets You in Trouble

We hope you have benefited from the Suffering and the Sovereignty of God excerpts we’ve posted this week. A special thank you to Justin Taylor and Crossway Books for allowing us to share this material with you. Please take time to read through this final installment from David Powlison. I pray that those of you currently experiencing severe trial will find encouragement in his words…

"How does God meet you in trouble, loss, disability, and pain? You probably already know the ‘right answer’. He does not immediately intervene to make everything all better. Yet he continually intervenes, according to gracious purposes, working both in you and in what afflicts you….

How does God’s grace engage your sufferings? We may know the right answer. And yet we don’t know it. It is a hard answer. But we make it sound like a pat answer. God sets about a long slow answering. But we try to make it a quick fix. His answer insists on being lived out over time and into the particulars. We act as if just saying the right words makes it so. God’s answer insists on changing you into a different kind of person. But we act as if some truth, principle, strategy or perspective might simply be incorporated into who we already are. God personalizes his answer on hearts with an uncanny flexibility. But we turn it into a formula: “If you just believe____. If you just do____. If you just remember____.” No important truth ever contains the word ‘just’ in the punch line.

How does God’s grace meet you in your sufferings? We can make the right answer sound old hat, but I guarantee this: God will surprise you. He will make you stop. You will struggle. He will bring you up short. You will hurt. He will take his time. You will grow in faith and in love. He will deeply delight you. You will find the process harder than you ever imagined – and better. Goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life. No matter how many times you’ve heard it, no matter how long you’ve known it, no matter how well you can say it, God’s answer will come to mean something better than you could ever imagine."

What Can Man Do To Me?

Mark Talbot, another contributor to Suffering and the Sovereignty of God, considers, “All the Good that is Ours in Christ: Seeing God’s Gracious Hand in the Hurts Others Do To Us.” Ponder the following thoughts and listen to his message. 

"Paul reports afflictions so severe that he and those with him 'despaired of life itself' (2 Cor. 1:8; see vv. 8-11). Many of us have tasted such grief.  I have known afflictions much worse than my paralyzing accident.  I have had seasons of perplexity about God’s providence that have been so deep that sleep has fled from me.  Yet these griefs have been God’s gifts.  For only by such severe suffering has my loving Father broken me free of some of my deeper idolatries.  In the nights’ watches, while others sleep, my wakeful heart must find its rest in him or it will find no rest at all. 

'Be gracious to me, O God,' David prayed when the Philistines seized him at Gath, 'for man tramples on me; all day long an attacker oppresses me; my enemies trample on me all day long, for many attack me proudly.  When I am afraid,' he states,

I put my trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can flesh do to me?

'All day long,' David continues, 'they twist my words;'

all their thoughts are against me for evil.
They stir up strife; they lurk;
they watch my steps,
as they have waited for my life. (Ps. 56:1-6)

But God, David knows, has kept count of his nightly tossings; he has numbered his futile wanderings; he has kept track of all of David’s sorrows.  He has put David’s tears in a bottle and written all of his anguish in his book.   And David knows that the God who cares for him that much will never abandon him.  'This I know,' he declares, 'that God is for me.  In God, whose word I praise, in the LORD, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.  What can man do to me?' (Ps. 56:9b-11; my emphasis).  David knows that God will keep his feet from sliding so that he may still walk before God 'in the light of life' (Ps. 56:13)."

Borrowing God's Smile

I want to join Nicole in urging you to purchase Suffering and the Sovereignty of God edited by John Piper and Justin Taylor when it comes out in September. To increase your anticipation for this resource, and to encourage you in the midst of your trials, we will be quoting excerpts from the book each day for the remainder of the week.

Our first selection comes from one of our favorite authors and speakers, Joni Eareckson Tada (see Mom's post "When I saw Joni Dance"), founder of Joni & Friends, author of When God Weeps, and herself a quadrapalegic. In Suffering and the Sovereignty of God she contributes a chapter entitled: “Hope…The Best of Things.” The following is a brief passage from the chapter. Also, I want to encourage you to listen to the message on which this chapter was based, given at the 2005 Desiring God National Conference. May Joni’s reliance upon God’s strength provoke us all to greater dependence upon Him.

Please know that I am no expert at this wheelchair thing. I’m no professional at being a quadriplegic. There are so many mornings when I wake up and I can hear my girlfriend come to the front door to help me get out of bed and get ready for the day. She goes to the kitchen, turns on the water, and starts brewing coffee. I know that in a few moments she’s going to come gliding into the bedroom, where she’ll greet me with a happy, “Good morning!” And I am lying there with my eyes closed, thinking, O God, I can’t do this. I am so tired. I don’t know how I’m going to make it to lunchtime. O God, I’m already thinking about how good it’s going to feel when I get back to bed tonight and put my head on this pillow.

I’m sure you have felt that way at some point. Maybe you feel that way every morning. But Psalm 10:17 says, “O LORD, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear.” O God, I often pray in the morning, God, I cannot do this. I cannot do this thing called quadriplegia. I have no resources for this. I have no strength for this—but you do. You’ve got resources. You’ve got strength. I can’t do quadriplegia, but I can do all things through you as you strengthen me (Phil. 4:13). I have no smile for this woman who’s going to walk into my bedroom in a moment. She could be having coffee with another friend, but she’s chosen to come here to help me get up. O God, please may I borrow your smile?